Je n’aime pas manger les preservatifs

When I was a nanny in France, I had to spend the first few weeks adjusting to the new language. My French was very, very basic when I arrived. However, I discovered that with many words, I could say them in English with a bit of a French accent–and they meant the same thing.

For any word ending in -tion, for example, just add the French accent and voila! A new word for your vocabulary. Conversation is conversation with the French accent. Conservative is conservatif. Preservation is preservation. And so on.

One day, Madame Andoka (my host family’s mother) asked me what I liked to eat so she could shop accordingly. I said that I like anything. I prefer things fresh though. Fresh fruits and vegetables. Fresh meats and dairy. I would rather eat fresh than prefab meals. I just don’t like the chemicals and preservatives. I told her: Je n’aime pas manger les preservatifs. She looked at me with raised eyebrows and sort of smirked. Apparently I had just stated, rather matter-of-factly: “I don’t like to eat condoms.”

Brasset Cellars Bluenose Wins a Blue Ribbon

Brasset CellarsMy neighbour won a GOLD award for his 2003 Petite Sirah at the Sonoma County Harvest Fair. I’ve offered to pour for him on Saturday. I’m hoping I’ll have some interesting stories at the end of it all.

About his label:

Origin 1: Bluenose is a nickname for Nova Scotians and originated during the early settlement days. (Paul is originally from Nova Scotia, Canada.) When the Loyalists (everybody who remained loyal to the British crown in the Revolution) arrived from the States to settle the area, they found the colony so cold and foggy that they would all have blue noses.

Origin 2: The famous Nova Scotian-built Bluenose I, one of the fastest fishing vessels ever launched, was given this name in recognition of its fine shipbuilders. The ship’s memory is commemorated in the Bluenose II and on the Canadian 10 cent piece.

Added 04 Oct 05: Here is a link to some fun pictures of pouring wine at the Harvest Fair.

Chicken Espresso

Here is part of a sign from Fitch Mountain Eddie’s–a restaurant in Healdsburg, California.

Chicken Espresso.

I have lived here for four years now. I have only eaten at Fitch Mountain Eddie’s once. It was quite good. I think I had a garden omelette. When I got out of my car the other day to get some groceries at the grocery store that shares the parking lot with this restaurant, I saw this sign. The only two words that stood out to me were: Chicken Espresso.

Cow Polaroids

My very first attempt to take Polaroid pictures. I somehow thought that the cows wouldn’t mind. After work one Monday, I drove up Sonoma Mountain Road to see if there were any cows who wouldn’t mind posing.

Cow close up! Cow close up! Cow close up!

The funny bit about this story is that I am wearing a designer skirt and heeled boots. I’m out running around in the cow pasture dressed to the tee trying to convince the cows to come close enough for a Polaroid. Somehow, the image of me in my designer skirt and boots in the cow pasture is funnier than the cows.

Some Hitch Hiking Guidelines

The other night, after I took Polaroid pictures of the cows (entry above), I got back in my car and started home. I got on Highway 101 at Pengrove. As I’m accelerating up the on ramp I see two hitchhikers and I decide to pick them up. I have hitched before (in Europe, Canada, and Central America) so I decide to give these young people a break. I’m not going far, just from Petaluma to Healdsburg.

So, I stop. They ask where I’m going and ask if it’s worth it (only ~35 miles north). They hesitate. I say that sometimes, it’s better to get to the edge of the metropolis because it is more likely that more people would be going a longer distance. They shrug and get in. The girl in front–good hitching etiquette I think.

Today, after that particular hitch hiking experience, I have decided to blog about some good hitch hiking guidelines and etiquette (based on my own experiences of course).

  • Always hitch with a partner. Female/female combo works best. Male/female combo works well. Have no idea about single males or male/male combos.
  • Agree what the guidelines for the trip are before you go.
  • If a car stops, ask where the driver is going and then decide together if you are going to get in the car.
  • If the driver is a woman and you are in a male/female combo, the female gets in the front seat.
  • If the driver is a male and you are in a male/female combo, the male gets in the front seat.
  • Use public transit to get to the edge of a metropolis before you start hitching. There is a higher percentage of vehicles going the distance.
  • Don’t hitch at night. Nobody picks you up.
  • Have a backup plan if nobody picks you up. On one particular trip, my friend Vicky and I had to find the bus station in Manchester and take the bus to Glasgow. We lost a lot of confidence on that trip–probably due to the worry her mum instilled into us for the five days before our trip.
  • Carrying some food and water is always a good idea.
  • Don’t catch an unknowing person off guard at a petrol station–even if you are desperate for a ride. It’s not good enough to just ask where someone is going, decide you want to go there too, and jump in their car. Not only is it dangerous, but it is simply bad hitch hiking etiquette.
  • Always have a map so you know exactly where you are and when you need to get out.
  • If it is 11h00 in the morning and you are in Northern Quebec and there does not seem to be too many options for rides AND the driver has a large, open bottle of beer between his legs, don’t get in the car. He is likely to be a complete nutter and drive accordingly.
  • You could always carry a wee plastic figurine as a mascot and good luck charm for rides. My friend Vicky and I carried Wop the Weave. I have no idea where Wop is now, but Vicky lives in France with her family. Lucky girl.
  • For personal protection, you could carry a can of mace. Make sure, however, that if your destination is your boyfriend’s house in Scotland, that he knows the difference between a can of mace and a can of perfume or body spray. Otherwise, he might confuse the two and spray it in the air for a whiff (because he hasn’t seen you for a while). You have to evacuate the entire flat for a few hours while it dissipates.
  • Finally. Of course. Always know where your towel is.

That’s it. That’s all I can think of for now. I’ll see if I can find some pictures. I know I have one of Wop the Weave. I’ll have to see what other ones I find.

Pointless, Incessant Barking © Cartoonbank.com

I had dinner with my friend Amy the other day. I told her how much I liked writing on my blog. I probably talked a bit too much about it because she told me about this cartoon she’d seen in the New Yorker.


10th Annual North Bay Heart Walk

To Joan's granddaughter.

This blog entry is dedicated to my friend and colleague’s granddaughter who had heart surgery last Thursday.

Today, I walked the Heart Walk. My friend Carol and I managed just under an hour for five miles around Spring Lake. She sets a good pace. I’m always impressed.

Up until today, I didn’t really know why I was walking this Heart Walk–except that I believe in healthy hearts and exercise in general. Carol asked me to participate, so I did. However, at the opening ceremonies when they were reading names of people whose lives had been affected by heart disease, I realized why I was participating.

My friend and colleague’s granddaughter recently had heart surgery. Her granddaughter is fourteen. She is a regular teenager (but unique at the same time). She goes to school. She has a boyfriend (who does imitations of Elvis Presley). She also has a hole in her heart. On Thursday, she had surgery to patch it up, but the surgery wasn’t totally successful. She’ll have to have open heart surgery (sooner rather than later we hope).

So, today, at the opening ceremonies, a young girl sang Amazing Grace, another lady read names, and a third fellow released doves who circled above the crowd for a bit. It was all very emotional–an in the moment emotional sort of thing. I thought of my colleague (who is very passionate about birds) and about her granddaughter and the heart surgery. All of a sudden, I was very glad I was walking for this cause. Somehow, my tiny–but healthy–contribution might make a difference.

I raised $202.32. Carol raised $400.00. We actually enjoyed getting up before 7h00 am today and arriving at Howarth Park for the 8h00 am team photo: common people, common cause, and simple enjoyment.

A big THANK YOU to everybody who sponsored me. I am hoping it will somehow make a difference to Joan’s granddaughter.

Why Polaroids?

I have recently decided to take Polaroid pictures. I even borrowed a Polaroid camera to see if I would like it first. I originally had an idea to make a photo essay of the coffee makers in my life. I seem to somehow have accumulated seven, even though I use only one. I just thought it was pretty ridiculous that I actually owned seven ways to make coffee. I was going to take pictures of them and tell their stories.

One day, I was visiting a friend and found out he collects Polaroid cameras. I thought that Polaroid pictures would just add to the theme of the coffee makers and that would somehow make my project more interesting. So I asked if I could borrow his camera.

It was just a simple idea at first–to take Polaroids of my coffeemakers. I haven’t started that particular project yet, but I have started taking Polaroids. Now, I’m hooked. But, I’ll have to see how long it lasts.

Here are the reasons I’ve decided on Polaroids (in no particular order):

  • Polariods are a bit different, but I can still have conversations about photography.
  • Polaroid cameras are the everyman’s camera. No special tricks. No special buttons. Just point. Click. See the result.
  • Polaroids make me happy. For the tiny bit each day that I am thinking about trying to make an interesting picture, I am happy. Sometimes, it ends up being the story behind the picture that’s interesting instead of the picture itself.
  • Polaroids have been around awhile so I can learn about the history. I am in very interested in why things are the way they are and how they came to be.
  • Polaroids are tangible. You don’t need a computer to look at them. Instant gratification, with a bit of anticipation while the picture appears.
  • Polaroids create positives (as opposed to negatives) and I think that is an interesting dichotomy in my life right now.
  • I can say I am on ‘roids and it has a totally different meaning.

They are expensive though. More than a dollar a shot. I decided today to make some guidelines to take pictures. Originally, I thought three was a round number (three shots of one subject). But, now I think I’ll just limit myself to one picture. One shot. That’s all I get.

Sonoma Mountain Road

It’s all in the anticipation I think. It’s all in the expectation of doing something that makes it exciting. I guess that’s why there is an entire industry of marketing and advertising. The entire industry is dedicated to creating hype and expectations.

I’m pretty much a novice at biking. In fact, last year, I simply updated an old bike (circa 1989) with new tires, some extra padding, and toe clips. I thought I would only spend the money on a new bike when I knew I was going to continue biking. Since then, I’ve been out a few times with a few different people. I’ve been out even less times by myself. But, I’m getting better at it. And, I’ve discovered I actually like it.

The other day, I decided I was going to bike up Sonoma Mountain Road. I’ve heard that Sonoma Mountain Road is a tough climb but I decided I’m just going to do it. I know it’s going to be a hard because I have only two front derailleur-wheel thingies on my bike (circa 1989 remember). But, I had energy. I had music. NIKE!

I was going to climb Corona Road again. But, as I approached the crossroads of Corona Road and Adobe Road, I thought: I wonder what it will take to do Sonoma Mountain Road? So, I just peddled past and continued to Sonoma Mountain.

I didn’t even plan to do it. All I planned for was a bike ride. I think I did OK. I didn’t finish the entire road. It just kept going up and up–and I had to get off my bike in two separate places and walk it up. I did reach a point, however, where I thought I may be higher than my regular Corona Road extension. I figured that it’s enough for today. Already, I’ve exceeded my own expectations.

The Butter Method

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Because there was a tiny bit of confusion with the title of this entry, it probably is best to read the two previous entries before you read this one.

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Ok. Now, I’m just talking nonsense, but try it anyway. You’ll need: your kayak, your skirt, your paddle, your paddling partner (to take pictures), and a stick of butter.

The entry scenario is the same perpendicular dock (see entry below). However, while your kayak is still on the dock, rub the stick of butter around the cockpit combing of the boat. That’s right. Grease it up. Now, put your kayak into the water on the left side of the dock and again, sit on the dock as if you were sitting in your kayak. Rub the remaining butter on your backside. Proceed with straddling the paddle from the dock to behind the cockpit. Remember to grip both the cockpit AND the paddle in your left hand (this might be a wee bit more difficult because of the butter). Use the right hand and arm to grip the paddle and the dock for stability.

Now, gently maneuver your left side into the boat. Once you get past a certain point, you should be able to slip right in!! (I say “should” because I’ve never actually tried this method. I’m working with the “add fat, add salt, and turn up the heat” theory!)