Ma vie en Suisse

Picture this…

The other day we came home from New Year’s Eve in Valais. We were supposed to go to a New Year’s Day spaghetti dinner and annual poker game but I was too tired (we did stay up until 2:00 am) and — surprisingly enough, my clothes didn’t fit. My maternity jeans–that I had no problem with the week before were all-of-a-sudden uncomfortably tight. To top it off, I have to wear support stockings each day too–help keep all that extra (be it water or fat) off my ankles these last few weeks. I was wearing a full set under the too-tight jeans. And, the shirt I’d brought for overnight was also a size or two too small.

I’d been uncomfortable and a bit grouchy all day.

We got home and I stood in the doorway and Ludo helped me take off my boots. I pulled my jeans off right then and there too–I was so desperate to be comfortable.

Now I had on my charcoal support stockings and white sport socks and my too-small maternity shirt stretched over my nine-month-plus-one-day belly.

I went into the bedroom and pulled on a more comfortable shirt. Ahhhhh. I could breathe at last. The only thing left was to lay down, because being vertical all day (standing or sitting) pulls on the belly and it just gets tiring. (Things nobody really tells you about getting pregnant–how uncomfortable it will be at the end….or that you might be constipated for nine months straight…all things I don’t have to bore you with right now.)

Regardless, I go into the spare bedroom (soon to be the baby bedroom) to have a bit of a repose on the canapé lit. With a minimum of huffing and puffing, I get on and settle on my right side with the large duvet tucked between my knees, arms, and under my head.

Baby starts complaining–kicking and moving around. I just want some quiet rest. So. Guess what?

I grab what is available of the duvet. I give a mighty heave and I try to roll myself over to my left side. Except, the majority of the duvet is half under my right side. I get half-way there–and I get stuck on my back with the duvet over my head.

Have you ever been nine-plus months pregnant … ON YOUR BACK? WITH A DUVET OVER YOUR HEAD?

I’ve been telling people that I am a tortue-potame (a turtle-hippopotamus) because I am so big, I feel like a ballerina in water, but am like a turtle if I get stuck on my back. I need help getting up.

Back to the story. Remember that I a wearing a comfortable shirt, charcoal support stockings, and white sport socks (simply because I was too lazy to take them off).

And my head is caught up somewhere under the duvet.
And I am stuck on my back.
And my charcoal legs with white-stocking feet are waving about in the air.
And I have to call for help.
And I can’t because I am laughing too hard.

PS: I bought exercise bands for my upper body workout. I haven’t used them yet. But I did take a 60-minute walk today.

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