Open the driver’s door. Get in. Check the watch. It’s 7h05. Great. 15 minutes to get somewhere 20 minutes away. I can’t help but think that if I hadn’t left my lights on all day, I would have actually been on time.
Get out of the parking lot. I’ll get there when I get there. I’m a good driver. I’m not reckless. I drive fast though—because I don’t really want to be late.
I find exactly where I need to go fairly easily. I’m only five minutes late. He’s waiting for me outside the box office.
I make a mental note to breathe and try to relax. Breathe. He sees me as I’m trying to find a place to park and comes over. He gets in and says…There’s no parking over there—try the street.
Uh. Hi. Sorry I’m late. I left my lights on and had to get a boost.
No prob, he says. We’ll only miss the previews.
We find parking and go in. He finds his friends (in the dark theatre) and we go sit down. He motions me into the aisle first and makesbrief introductions
Hi. I nod and sit down. He’s made me sit between him and his friends.
I’m petrified. And anxious. I’m sitting between him and his friends. I’m glad there’s action on screen and proceed settle down to watch the movie.
Except, I just find myself more and more embarrassed—because I KNOW what I have just done to get myself here five minutes late and that’s all I can think of. HOW LAME IS THAT?
I want to hold on to his arm to calm myself down, but I don’t know if I know him well enough to hold onto his arm in front of his friends. So I just bear down in the seat and sit on my hands. And when the music intensifies and I know something is going to happen, I look up at the ceiling so I’m not looking at the screen—because I am so nervous.
I look up at the ceiling and around at the walls. All around—anywhere but the dark, jerky camera motion on the screen. Then I wonder that his friends will think—what is she looking at? Crazy girl C. She doesn’t watch the movie. She just looks around. I’m not even looking at anything. I’m just trying to calm my anxiety and not watch the tense bits of the movie.
What am I anxious about anyway?