How Girls Can Pee in the Woods and Keep Their Dignity

Chantel is my niece. She’s staying home from school today so we can have a day together. Bonding. I love it. She’s a great kid. She came over the Chilkoot Trail with us in the summer. She really impressed me. How many 11-year old girls do you know who can kick butt over 3700 feet?

When she asked to come over the Pass, she kept telling us she could do it. Besides, she would get to bond with her two Aunties. She’s never really had the chance to spend quality time with us.

I told her the trail would be hard. She would get hungry and her feet would be sore–not to mention the state of her shoulders from carrying a backpack. I told her she could come if the only thing she ever said was: I’m having fun Auntie. If she were sore, or grumpy, or hungry, anything else, she would have to say those words with a forced smile and through clenched teeth.

The first day on the trail we were all staying hydrated and drinking lots of water. At one point in time, Chantel says she needs to go to the bathroom. I stop to pull out some bog roll. Redd and Jim keep going. Chantel goes into the woods. After a brief moment, she comes out again. I thought: Wow. That was fast.

Not! She says: Can you help me Auntie? I don’t know how to pee in the woods. Mum usually holds my hands so I can squat. I thought….Hmmmm. Time for you to learn how to pee in the woods Chantel. So I go into the woods with her. She wanted to bond! What better way to bond than to teach her to stand (pee?) on her own two feet?

Here is the real story for today: How Girls Can Pee in the Woods and Keep Their Dignity

Find an appropriate spot. Off the trail is good. 100 feet from running water is also good. The spot should be secluded enough to give you privacy (like your own personal bathroom, without any walls).

Loosen your pants (I’m going to assume you are wearing pants) and start pulling your clothing paraphenalia down over your hips.

At the same time, squat. Bend your knees and stick your butt way out. Lean forward and rest your elbows on your knees.

By now, your pants and paraphenalia should be around your knees. DO NOT PULL THEM DOWN TO YOUR ANKLES. KEEP THEM AT YOUR KNEES.

Now. Feet apart. As wide as you can, remember, your pants are around your knees–not your ankles–and your butt is way out and you are leaning forward resting your elbows on your knees.

Finally, release the pee. Hopefully, the pee is directed at the ground and NOT at your pants or your shoes or anything else you have to wear.

That’s it. That’s the secret. Butt out as far as you can. Lean forward. It’s not really a dignified position, but I am not aware of a dignified position while trying to pee (especially in the woods!). Keep your dignity by not getting yourself (or your pants, boots, socks) wet.