These last two months I’ve been watching the entire six seasons of Sex and the City episodes from my NetFlix queue. I’m fascinated that a writer can write one column a week, live in her own apartment in New York City, and afford all those designer shoes, clothes, friends, restaurants, and night-clubs. (Yes, I know it’s fictional.) But I do think the writing is great. Simply fantastic. In my dream world, I’m a writer living in New York City writing for a smash hit series TV show by day, collecting a signature wardrobe and a small fortune worth of shoes, and being smitten by hunky investment bankers by night.
My life. Significantly less dramatic. Significantly less fashionable. Significantly less interesting. Significantly less everything. I’m pleased actually. It’s taken me a long time to arrive here in this relatively undramatic, calm, inviting place. And, I’m enjoying it.
I haven’t been writing on my blog lately because I’ve been busy. I have a new job–granted it’s only a three month contract, but it’s a good start. I’ve made some decisions about where I want to go in my life and I’m making huge efforts to get there–and that’s exhilarating and exhausting all at once. But, I finally realized my priorities–and once I did that, it seems easy to make decisions.
I realized that I made some people in my life bigger than they are. I was waiting for them to make decisions–so I could make my own. That’s me–or was me. Accommodating. Directionless. Slightly delusional. Thinking that I actually was important. A week after my birthday–I had an epiphany–or as other people might call it: a-slap-in-the-belly-with-a-cold-wet-fish. Basically though, I realized that I was waiting for other people to do things that they just weren’t going to do. And given my track record, I was going to be waiting for a long time. As I watched these back-to-back episodes of this revolutionary TV series, I couldn’t help but wonder– if I am holding on, what am I holding on to?
Now, I’ve decided my life is a script. I’m the main writer, producer, director, production coordinator. I am even my own assistant production coordinator! Basically, I’m finally the one calling the shots. And my script can be dramatic, comedic, classic,…what the hell! It can be whatever I want it to be–as long as it’s starring Jennifer C. Burke, as herself.