One weekend, we decided to go camping at Salmon Point on Lake Ontario but we arrived at the campsite pretty late. It had also just finished raining. We met our friend Dopey Dave who was already there. A bit soggy–but there. Because of the rain, all of the potential fire wood was wet. Because of the time, there wasn’t anywhere to buy it either. I know, people in the Yukon would roll their eyes at the notion of buying firewood!. But in Southern Ontario, you buy your firewood. It’s easy. It’s already chopped to exactly the right size. If you were marketing it, you could say: “Right-Sized Firewood For Sale” or “Firewood that Fits!” (Not that you need to market it. Who wants to spend time looking for wood, then chopping it up?)
Anyway, back to soggy Dopey Dave, soggy campfires, and soggy nights. We arrived, put our tent up, and sat around the empty black pit that would normally be glowing and emitting warmth. We were also becoming wet and cold. We tried candles but the wind was blowing, making them melt fast and leaving a big puddle of wax on the picnic table.
Somehow, somebody got the notion to light a Dorito. Boy. They burn. Fast. With all that fat, they just explode. However, if you stick them in the puddle of wax, they last for hours. We ended up using three Dorritos in the puddle of wax for about three hours. Very useful: Light and warmth at the same time.
I didn’t eat Doritos for years after that–just knowing how long they burned and knowing how much fat they contained.